I Am Not Enough

Miss B is four years old and I have come to the realization that she needs more than I can give her. Some women are great at being stay at home moms, it comes so naturally to them and they are able to fulfill their children's needs right up the their first day of school. I am not one of those women. Motherhood has never come naturally to me. I often find myself looking at her and feeling at a loss. 

What am I supposed to do with this child?

It is not her educational requirements that I am not fulfilling, but her social ones. I knew that she would need to be with kids her own age, and so I enrolled her in lots of activities. Gymnastics, karate and soccer. But an hour a day a couple days a week it not enough for her, and even more, her new friends all go to preschool. 

Preschool. I never intended to send her. I always thought that I could teach her everything she needed to know before she started kindergarten. Apparently kindergarten is a different beast than when I was five years old. 

No more color wheels and play groups. 

Apparently five year olds these days are learn art and philosophy along with how to share. 

She keeps asking when she can go to school like her friends. She had become obsessed with school buses and stands at the window every afternoon to watch the bus drop kids off.

So after much debate, and scrutinizing of the finances (holy crap pre-school is EXPENSIVE!) The Big Kid and I have decided to let her go.  I have to admit it makes me a little sad, and I'm not entirely sure why. This was not my plan, but nothing in motherhood goes as planned.

The Mommy Overshare...So Guilty

When you are a mommy of little kids, no subject is off limits, and sometimes we forget that other people still have a shred of decorum left and there are things they just don't want to hear and/or talk about.

The other day at Miss B's karate class, one of the ladies there noticed that Dimples was in a cloth diaper, and she said "oh I didn't know you were using cloth diapers"

I, of course, launched into a detail explanation about how I used to use disposal when we were out because his poops were so runny and I didn't want to carry that mess around with me. I followed up with a detailed description of his current, less messy poops.

Then I saw the totally grossed out look on her face. 

Oops. The mommy overshare.

I'm guilty of this alot. Very guilty. 

I need to remember that most people don't want to hear about poop or vomit, runny noses or rashes. That any mention of my kid is not an open invitation to recap  every gross thing that I deal with on a daily basis. 

And I get it. I'm not offended that other people are offended by my reality. Because that what it comes down to. Poop is a big party of my reality. With a four year old, a one year old, a dog and a bunny I am queen of the poop.

I'm sure there will come a point in my life when my kids are older, and they take care of their own bathroom business, that poop will gross my out again. For now, I will try to save my thoughts on these topics for the mommy blog.

Slow Down Please

When Miss B was born, and I brought her home and began my new life as a Mother, I was so eager and impatient. She was such a good sleeper - and since she was my first I had no idea how good I had it! We would have to tickle her little toes and undress her so she would wake up and eat. I would stare at her for sometimes hours, just thinking WAKE UP AND DO SOMETHING! 

Of course now she's four and all I really want is for her to GO TO SLEEP!

So when Dimples came along, I was a little bit wiser, and a lot more patient. No hurry here. He can take as long as he wants to start walking and talking (talking-back that is!)

But he has different ideas. He will be one next week and last night he took his first timid, wobbly steps. Four of them from the safety of the sofa's edge to his sister, who had a Popsicle. It was the Popsicle he was after, I know.

When Miss B. started walking at around 13 months, I clapped and cheered for her.

What were we thinking with all of that carrying on and encouragement? *face palm*

But like I said, more experienced now..so when I turned and saw my son walking I just stared at him with a mix of excitement (because it is an important milestone) and DREAD.

I'M NOT READY!!!!

I mean, I knew this was coming, because he's recently started letting go and just standing there, but I was hoping to have a little more time. It seems like after the walking things just start happening so much faster. Then they're running and talking and getting ready for school and growing up....big breath. 

I'm not ready for my son to start growing up. Even though I had the same year with him I had with my daughter I feel like it went by sooo much faster. 

*sigh*

But ready or not, here he comes.

Growing up Girl

Miss B has been BEGGING for weeks now to get her ears pierced. She's only four, and I always thought she'd be a little bit older before I let her. 

But as it goes with parenting nothing works out like you thought.

She's has bent her self over backwards to show me what a big girl she is. She's been cleaning her room and helping with her brother, trying to prove her level of responsibility. So, after talking to my husband, We agreed I would take her.

Yesterday I surprised her with a trip to the mall. There's going to be some gasps here, but this is the first time in her four years of life that she's ever been to the mall. Her friend came along and we had a full on girls day. She got her ears pierced - barely even flinched! - and we had ice cream and went to bath and body works where I let her pick out a sample size bottle of scented sanitizer.

The day was fun - and exhausting. What's more, though, it felt like a milestone in her life and our relationship as mother and daughter. She's transiting now and on top of teacher her about manners and right and wrong, I also get to teach her about being a girl. This is the part of having a daughter that I was really looking forward to.